Letter
to my children and grandchildren
Nguyễn
văn Phú
Translated
by Minh
Châu
Dear old friend,
While waiting
for our children to pick us up from our monthly meeting at the Seniors’
Association, you and I had, on several occasions, the opportunity to
discuss
and to agree on a number of important points. You urged to me to put
our
thoughts on paper to share with our descendants because, as you said,
your
hands tremble so much these days that you are having difficulty holding
the
pen. Moreover, this year marks the 30th anniversary of our
self-exile as refugees and we both thought it would be useful to
transmit a
clear message to our children and especially our grandchildren. During
these
last few months, I endeavored to accomplish the task you assigned.
Today, my
work may be considered complete. For ease of presentation, I wrote this
article
in the form of a letter by a father to his children. Please review it
at your
convenience. I would very much appreciate any corrections and
improvements.
****
My beloved children,
Your mother and I
are both in our eighties now, longevity virtually unknown to the
earlier
generations. Over the years, we have had many occasions to talk to you
about a
number of important subjects, but you were often not all present at the
same
time to share the same conversations. Moreover, you may not have
entirely
retained our message. Hence, this letter to summarize the key points
that your
mother and I wish to impart to you. For your children who speak
Vietnamese but
do not read it very well, we ask that you find the best way to
communicate our
thoughts to them and offer them the necessary explanations. It is not
enough to
merely take note of what we put today in writing for you. Please make
an effort
to really grasp the fundamental meaning of our message.
Gratefulness —
My beloved
children, in fleeing the
communist regime in search of freedom, we had to leave everything
behind: our
properties, our ancestral shrine, as well as our ancestors’ final
resting
place. The authorities and the people of this adopted land opened their
arms
and their hearts to help us rebuild our lives. Now that we are
relatively well
established, we should be grateful and show it by doing our best to
help make
this nation even greater, stronger and more prosperous.
The cause of
our exodus — You must be
sure to
explain clearly to your children the reasons which pushed our family as
well as
hundreds of thousands of others to choose a life of self-exiled
immigrants in a
foreign country: we fled communism, in search of freedom. Your
children
have the great fortune of living in a democratic society. Having known
nothing
but freedom since they were born, they would never imagine the full
extent of
the duplicity and the cruelty exerted by the communists. They would
find it
difficult to believe the atrocities to which men can submit men. (In
due time,
you may let them watch the movie Journey from the Fall, directed
by Tran
Ham, which premiered on April 30, 2005.) The communists are cruel in
action,
but very cunning in words and especially skilled in the art of
concealment!
Hence the need to really explain things to your children to ensure they
have a
full understanding of our background, not to incite hatred in them, but
so they
can be aware of the truth. We often repeat this saying amongst
ourselves: “Don’t
listen to what the communists say, just examine what they do.”
Our native
land — Regardless of how
busy you
are, take the time to reflect on the history and the geography of
Viet-Nam in
order to understand the origin of our people and the creation of our
homeland.
Learn about the vicissitudes that our people experienced, including the
moments
of glory and the times of humiliation. Appreciate the wisdom and
accomplishments of our forefathers as well as their mistakes. These are
all
lessons that we should learn and communicate to our descendants. The
pages of
our history books are alternatively filled with glorious achievements
and
painful tears. There was a time when our country had to bear the
humiliation of
Chinese occupation during a thousand years. Then, our heroic people
rose to
break the subversive bonds of domination and reclaimed our
independence. Our
past also included periods when we invaded and destroyed other
countries. The
most recent incident is the destructive ten-year occupation of
Kampuchia, which
incited the hatred of a neighboring country and created unwholesome
karma, the
fruits of which future generations will have to bear.
Recent
historical events — Our
country
became a French colony around the end of the 19th century.
In 1940,
a World War erupted. In Viet-Nam, on March 9, 1945, the Japanese
overturned the French in a
military coup. Emperor Bao Dai enacted the abolition of the treaty of
protectorate concluded with France
and entrusted to Mr. Tran Trong Kim the formation of the first
government of
the independent state of Viet Nam. On the global
scene, the countries of
the axis — Germany,
Italy
and Japan
— were overcome by the Allies — England,
France,
the United States,
the USSR
and China.
In our country, on August 19, 1945, the Viet Minh revolutionary forces
seized
the power held by the Tran Trong Kim government and proclaimed the
creation of
the Democratic Republic of Viet Nam. As France sought to restore
its
domination, on December
19, 1946, a war of national resistance was declared in view
of
defending our independence. At that time, the Viet Minh revealed its
true
communist nature and initiated a campaign to eliminate the nationalist
groups.
Faced with the danger of being gradually eradicated, the nationalist
parties
pulled back into special zones controlled by another non-communist
government.
After the battle
of Ðien Bien Phu, the Geneva agreement
of 1954 divided our country into two: the North became the Democratic
Republic
and the South, the Republic
of Viet-Nam. The
North
pledged open allegiance to the communist bloc and immediately launched
the
process of conquering the South by force, an act which it dissimulated
to the
eyes of the world by operating behind an organization of its creation,
called
the Front of Liberation of the South. At that time, South Viet-Nam
accepted the
support of the United
States
and the allied forces of the free world created to stop the expansion
of
communism. In the 1960s, as the invading forces from the North grew in
numbers
and in strength, the United
States started pouring their own
troops into
the South, and the war intensified.
In 1972, after
the rupture of relations between the USSR
and China,
President Nixon
went to China and
signed the
Shanghai
agreement. Consequently, no longer needing an “outpost
in the fight against
communism”, the United States
dropped their support of the Republic of Viet
Nam! [The book “Khi
Dong Minh Thao Chay (When the Allies Ran Away)” by Dr. Nguyen Tien
Hung
reveals the disappointing truths about the betrayal of the Americans in
their
shameful flight.] According to the Paris
agreement signed in 1973, the United States was to
withdraw their
troops from South Viet-Nam and only leave in place a number of military
advisers, while the North Vietnamese troops remained fully stationed in
the
South! The Communists of North Viet-Nam were therefore free to continue
their
unabated invasion of the South with the considerable assistance of the
international communist bloc. Despite the courage shown in its war of
self-defense, because of the serious lack of ammunition and fuel, South
Viet-Nam was pushed into an untenable situation. On April 30, 1975, Saigon,
the capital of the South, fell. In the months and years following that
date,
the world witnessed the exodus of the Vietnamese men, women and
children
fleeing communism, in search of freedom. I trust you already know the
next chapters
of our story with sufficient details.
Historical
data and information — We
live in an
era of information and we are indeed swamped by a glut of data about
everything. Much has been written about Viet-Nam and the Viet-Nam War,
including photos and movies, but we found a serious shortage of books
and films
that are objective and truthful. There are of course a few authors who
did try
to provide an honest account of the war. Unfortunately, each of them
only
succeeded in relating one particular aspect of the truth, in the manner
of the
blind men in the ancient fable who tried to describe an elephant by
each
touching a part of its body. Moreover, many authors knowingly bend the
truth to
fit their personal justification or neurosis about the war. Still
others,
including certain monastic figures, make up stories for the purpose of
slandering. The worst misrepresentations are found when those in power
or their
scribes engage in History writing. Alex Haley wrote in the last lines
of his
book Roots: “… preponderantly the histories have been written by
the winners”.
This is why we insist that you, and especially your children, should be
extremely cautious and discerning in reading the books or viewing the
films
about Viet-Nam produced in the end of the 20th and the
beginning of
the 21st century, regardless of the authors and their
nationalities.
From your
parents’ perspective, the conflict that took place in our country from
1954 to
1975 was a war that opposed the North to the South, a civil
war,
a war by proxy resulting from the confrontation between
the communist
bloc and the free world, a war delivered with the weapons of the
foreign
countries and the blood of the Vietnamese people. For the South
Vietnamese, it
was a war of self-defense. Meanwhile, in the North, through
propaganda
and education of the masses, the communists portrayed it as a war
delivered
against the American puppet regime to reunify the country. The
Northern
winners had been arrogant and cruel; the defeated Southerners swallowed
their
pain and their anger, and bowed their heads in humiliation. There lies
the
heart of the deep chasm dividing our people (even though in all truth,
there
are many other reasons for the division). As long as one does not
succeed in
changing these two opposing views, it would be useless to speak about
national
reconciliation! Millions of dead people, a reunified country, but the
Vietnamese people still remain deeply divided in their heart.
Visiting
Viet-Nam — Many people
asked us
whether we had returned to Viet-Nam. Our response has always been: “Not
yet,
because of our health.” Many have returned to Viet-Nam, each for their
own
particular reasons. Needless to say, we all long to be reunited with
our
homeland, but everyone has a personal view about the pros and cons of
the
matter! Returning to the country to care for one’s aging or sick
parents, to
help one’s family, to restore one’s ancestral tombs, to teach young
students,
to visit one’s country, these are valid reasons to go. Returning to the
country
to bring solace to victims of natural disasters, to selflessly help
compatriots
in need, these are also commendable motives. But returning to enjoy
sensual
pleasures, to take advantage of cheap tourism, or to seek monetary
gains and
official distinctions, then it is better to abstain.
Later, if the
country has shown some real improvements, you may want to bring your
children
to visit our homeland. But we predict that they will not be
particularly moved
— one may not feel any emotion if there are no memories which associate
one
with something. Thus, in raising your children, please try to provide
guidance
and help them appreciate our native land, our people, our compatriots,
and make
sure they do not behave as vulgar tourists. As for the probability of
your
returning to live in Viet-Nam, we do not expect the prospects to be
very
positive.
The real situation in the country — If somebody tells you that the country has
made
progress
— that the
majority of the population are now able to eat rice with every meal,
compared
to the mix of rice and oats of the post-1975 era; that motorbikes and
cars have
mostly replaced bicycles — know that in truth, such progress only
reflects the
normal evolution of any country (after all, it would be unthinkable
that after
thirty years of peace, no growth or progress were achieved!). However,
in terms
of real democratic progress, if we compare Viet-Nam to its neighbors,
we cannot
help feeling shame for the country’s failure in many aspects (even Kampuchea
has an opposition party!).
If you want to know the real Viet-Nam
beyond the tall
buildings, the shiny cars, the luxurious five-star hotels, the modern
golf
courses, then seek information from inside the country to see the
extensive
breakdown in many sectors (education, in particular), the excesses of
“red
capitalism”, the plague of widespread corruption, and the waste of our
nation’s
natural resources. And don’t forget to visit our compatriots who live
in
desolate poor regions in the back country. We need to look objectively
at the
actual situation without any make-up, that which is painted neither in
pink nor
in black.
For
a clear view of the situation in our country, refer to a speech by Dr.
Le Ðang
Doanh, former Director of the Central Institute of Research on
Management in
Ha-Noi. In this speech, Dr. Doanh voiced the whole truth to the highest
communist leaders. This document recently made its way abroad. In a
presentation which is made of this text, one can read: “We should all
pay
attention to the numbers that point to the sad reality of the economic
situation in Viet-Nam. Mr. Doanh underlines the weaknesses of the
economy and
the antidemocratic nature of the communist regime in Viet-Nam. He
affirms
unequivocally that the political infrastructure is obsolete and should
be
changed.” (Ngo Nhan Dung, in Nguoi Viet Daily, March 30, 2005).
Mr. Doanh relates
the following story. An expert in international finances asked him the
following question: “Clever as you claim to be, how come your country
is still
poor after such a long period? With your intelligence and your proud
tradition,
why do you beg all the time? Why don’t you give yourself a goal in time
after
which you will resolve to stop asking for alms? Is this possible?” How
humiliating for us all! Our country is not populated only by
incompetents; our
people are not lazy; why this utter misery? It is all due to the
dictatorship
of the Party!
Having
a political attitude — Our
fellow
expatriates are not the only ones who demand the abolition of the
unique-party
regime; some members of the Communist Party and progressive elements in
the
country are also clamoring for the same. Understand this: the fight
against
dictatorship, against a single party regime, against corruption,
against the
erroneous policies of the Communists, is not a fight against
Viet-Nam;
it is, quite to the contrary, an effort to move forward so that the
country can
improve and grow.
Some
may say that the Vietnamese Communists did implement some change with
the “Doi
Moi” or modernization program. Know that whatever modest change there
was, it
was the consequence of the collapse of communism in Eastern Europe, of the fight against oppression
by the Vietnamese people
inside the country and abroad, and of international pressure. It was
the threat
of the disintegration of the Party which drove the Communists to
institute economic
modernization (with no modernization whatsoever on the political
level).
Even though we do not “do politics”, we must nevertheless adopt
a
political attitude; we must continue to support the effort to bring
about
effective democracy and freedom to our country.
The
Secretary General of the Communist Party recognized that the Vietnamese
Communists “committed several serious errors.” The question that
begs to
be asked is this: if errors have been made, then why not correct them?
Why not
offer to the people a public apology? Why not return the wrongfully
taken land
and properties to their individual owners and religious institutions?
Why not
compensate the victims of the land reform, of the repression against
the intellectuals
and artists in the Nhan Van Giai Pham period, and of the waves of
reforms in
the industry and commerce sectors? Why not redress the harm done to
those sent
to the so-called “reeducation camps” and beg their forgiveness? In
truth,
everyone wishes to put aside hatred and resentments, but it is up to
the
Communists to demonstrate some constructive behavior that would
convince the
people of their good-will. It is utterly useless to simply say “let us
erase
hatred and resentments, let us forget the past and look towards the
future”
without doing anything concrete to turn the idea into policy and
practice. To
call for Dai Doan Ket or Great Union on the one hand, and to
place the
proposed reconciliation under the stewardship of a unique, all
controlling
Party (Constitution, article 4) on the other hand — how would you
expect anyone
to trust such empty words?
Our family — Let’s now talk about our family. Your
mother and I
belong to an older generation. We raised you in accordance with the
standards
of our generation, just like your grandparents raised us according to
the
standards of their time.
You
must have at times found us too strict. We simply followed the norm of
our
times. We hope that you will forget any unhappiness that, unaware, we
may have
inflicted upon you. Know that we did not seek an extravagant lifestyle,
that we
were never wasteful and that we lived well within the ethical and moral
guidelines of our culture. We worked hard and saved every penny to
provide for
our family so that you could have a relatively comfortable life, a good
education and a warm and happy home.
Because we had
been despoiled of all our assets by the Communists, we
experienced a
rather difficult beginning on arrival in this country. Your mother and
I had to
accept very harsh working conditions. And you also, you had to work
hard and
diligently during your holidays in order to complete your studies.
Today, everything
seems to have fallen in place quite nicely. You should try never
to be
self-satisfied or to think of yourself as the best. Remember this: “When
you
look up, you will find that everyone is better, when you look down, you
will
see that everyone is worse.” Your personal talent, if any, counts
only to
some extent, the remainder results from the combination of favorable
circumstances and the intangible benefits inherited from
your
ancestors and from your own actions in former lives and in this life.
Always
cultivate a virtuous life in order to improve your karma, in the same
manner as
a motorist must recharge the battery of his car. One reaps what one
sows. Such
is the universal law of cause and effect which leaves no one untouched!
Regarding your
small family unit, here is our advice: between husband and wife, it is
important to respect one another, to share and to compromise.
Frictions
are inevitable; resolve problems with patience, calm and wisdom. Anger
is
bad council, avoid it at all cost.
With respect to
your children, love them without spoiling them. Be sure to keep
an eye
on their social circles. Establish contacts with the parents of their
friends
in order to obtain a fuller and deeper understanding of who they are.
In our
society today, bad peer influence is such a widespread
phenomenon! The
time spent watching television, playing video games or “chatting” on
the
Internet should be limited. On the other hand, it is important to
encourage the
practice of some physical activities and sports. This also applies
to you
personally. Be sure to include physical exercise in your routine in
order
to balance your activities. Let your father’s health condition be an
inspiration to you. In my youth, I spent countless hours tied to my
work. As a
consequence, today, in my old age, my body “demands justice”, and I am
frequently ill.
In your daily
life, be thrifty (but not miserly). Make an effort to protect the
environment
because the resources of the world are limited; we must think of the
future
generations of our descendants. Do not waste anything, not even the
Kleenex
that you use to clean your hands. From time to time, let your children
view the
photographs and the films showing little children who are suffering
terribly
from hunger and cold; this will help them learn that in this world, a
great
many still live in misery.
Between brothers
and sisters, keep in mind the following Vietnamese proverbs: “Brothers
and
sisters should be linked like hands and feet”; “when an elder
sister
falls, the little sister must help her up”; “a drop of blood is
more
valuable than a pond of water”; “when a horse is sick, the whole
stable stops
feeding”. The secret to maintaining good relationships between
brothers and
sisters may be found in one word: “forgiveness”. Do not hold
rigor with
your brothers and sisters for their defects. Any discord between
you would
be extremely painful to us.
In this society,
as everyone seems to be short of time and can barely take care of his
own
immediate family, the extended family is somewhat neglected,
much to our
regret. Please make an effort to emphasize the tight relationship
and unity
in the extended family. To our daughters and daughters-in-law, we
have a
special request: help your husbands to maintain good relations between
your
brothers and sisters, as well as with all relatives on both the
paternal and
the maternal sides of the family.
Speaking Vietnamese
— Some points need to be
mentioned
here. Your children have grown up as citizens of our host country with
all the
related rights and duties. Their daily life at school and in society
forces
them to speak and to write English and/or French impeccably, or they
would run
the risk of not being able to fully integrate in their social
environment, of
being insulated and missing out on opportunities for success and
growth. They
communicate with each other quite fluently in the two languages. Even
though
you do encourage them to speak Vietnamese at home, we feel their
command of our
language is rather weak. Their conversation skills are lacking, and
their
writing skills are even worse. This is understandable because they
never
dedicated enough time practicing reading and writing in Vietnamese! To
help
your children acquire any meaningful command of our language, it is
simply not
enough to spend a few hours each weekend at the language school with a
teacher,
as dedicated as she may be. Just think: in Vietnamese, the
nomenclature, the
hierarchy and the forms of address for various members of the family
are one of
the most complicated in the world!
Our fellow
expatriates often point out the need for maintaining the use of the
Vietnamese
language. We agree with them. But to really think about it, a child
cannot be
the fusion of two children (Vietnamese and Canadian, or Vietnamese and
American.) If too much pressure is exerted, the children will not bear
it. In
addition, we have to make time for their other interests such as
sports, music,
etc. Therefore we must make intelligent choices and establish a proper
balance
to avoid transforming your children into “studying machines”. Your
children
will be making progressive achievements in this country. Help them be
prepared
and adapted to their environment in order to ensure a satisfactory
quality of
life.
The Western society — We live in a society of excessive
consumption. Don’t
let yourself be caught by skilful marketing techniques which encourage
you to
consume without control.
Surrounded by
wants and needs, we become the easy preys of publicity; at the same
time we are
being conditioned and influenced by the banks and the insurance
companies.
Practice this motto: “Minimize your wants, be content with little.”
Buy only
what you need. This rule is also applicable to the houses and cars you
buy;
these should be well within your means and should provide the security
and the
basic functionality needed in your daily life. That’s enough. Avoid too
much
debt. This will lead to a much better worry-free life. Please
understand that
our advice is not mere theory. Today’s society is slipping lower and
lower in
many moral and spiritual aspects. The reason, in our opinion, is that
when
people are so focused on the appearances, they become egoistic,
attached to
material possessions, and cannot find happiness anywhere. To be truly
happy,
one needs to be less selfish. One must think of fellow human beings and
learn
to share with others.
Your old
parents — With old age
comes illness,
and then one day, the old and the sick must depart… for good! That’s
the
universal law of life! When this day arrives for us, please make sure
that our
funerals are solemn but simple. Burying us in a cemetery may pose some
problems
for you, should you be required in the future to move away for your
work. It
would be difficult and impractical to take care of our tombs in this
city. We
prefer the cremation solution, which is more practical and does
not
require our bodies to be entombed. We believe future generations will
need the
land more than us. You could disperse our ashes on the mountain, in a
river, or
even in the ocean. We will return to dust, that’s all! Instead of
spending on a
funeral reception, please save the money to contribute to some worthy
causes of
collective interest. Do not be concerned that you would be criticized
for this
untraditional funeral. In time, people will understand and will
approve.
One more
important point: if, by misfortune, we should be sick and require life
support
in a vegetative state, please have the courage to remove our
artificial life
support system. Why prolong such a state which can only be a major
burden
to everyone?
The family shrine — Given today’s limited living space, it is
not very easy to install
a family shrine at home. To keep the memory of your ancestors, of your
grandparents, both paternal and maternal, and of your parents, you may
display
photographs in the most suitable place of your house to show your
respect and
to reaffirm your commitment to never dishonor your ancestral tradition.
On the
anniversary of our death, prepare a small table on which you will lay
out a cup
of pure water, some scented flowers, fresh fruits and an incense rod
(an
electric rod would do as well). This would be sufficient. It is the
expression
of your love and that of your children that would be most meaningful
and
valuable to us on that day. We did mention “your children” to point out
the
need to make sure they understand the significance that we, Vietnamese,
ascribe
to the celebration of the anniversary of death of members of the
family. During
these special days, concentrate on good thoughts, do a few more acts of
kindness compared to other regular days, give charity to the poor,
donate
clothes or food to charitable organizations. On these occasions, it
would be
wonderful if all brothers and sisters get together to renew and
strengthen our
family bonds. Please make an effort to organize such family reunions.
We hope that you will read this letter
carefully, that
you will meditate on it and that you will
try to
carry out our recommendations. We thank you all for
having always taken good care of us for so many years, and to have done
all
that’s required so that we can enjoy our old age in serenity.
With
much love to you all, our beloved children and grandchildren, and a
thousand
kisses.
Father
and Mother
